Circumstance
by Hikagi
Summary: Random drabbles and one-shots, mostly humor-based. Includes guest appearances of Detective Conan. #9: Haruhi's relationship with Tamaki is tricky at times. Their daughter doesn't make things any easier either.
1. Coincidences

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.

**Title:** Coincidences**  
****Pairing:** none  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** General, Crossover, slight AU (due to xover), some OOCness  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran or any of its characters.  
**Summary:** Ohtori Kyouya is more than what he appears to be.

Dedicated to Sciathan File and Krys Yuy

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstance**

"Coincidences"

By Hikagi

* * *

It was about time to go home.

Ohtori Kyouya gave a slight smirk of satisfaction as he finished jotting down the rest of the profit that had just come in. The Host Club was doing admirably, thanks to everyone's combined efforts and their newest member, one Fujioka Haruhi.

Behind him, Suoh Tamaki was seeing to the last of the customers as they made their way out of the room, faces red from blushing. The Hitachiin brothers had already dressed for their return home, as well as the rest of the members of the Host Club.

There was a bit of cleaning up to do (there was _always_ some sort of sugary substance or tea spilt on the tables or floor tiles), but that could be left for the maids to handle.

He checked his watch and picked up his cell phone, speed dialing for one of his servants. The speaker rang a few times before it was picked up.

"How can I be of service to you, Master Kyouya?" the voice over the line said, in a sort of amused way.

"Ah, yes. Nakuru-chan, would you send over a limo please? I will be done here shortly, so expect me back at the mansion soon."

"Yes, boss!" Nakuru chirped, and he could almost see her giving him a mock salute. The line was cut right afterwards, and Kyouya tucked his cell back into a pocket.

One of the Hitachiin brothers (Hikaru? Kaoru?) had overheard their Vice-President speaking, and with a devilish smirk on his face, casually draped an arm over the second year's shoulder after having whispered in his brother's ear.

"What's this, Kyouya? Talking to a girl?"

The other twin (Kaoru ? Hikaru?) followed suit, mimicking his brother by also leaning on their fellow club member.

"You don't say! Is it his secret lover? Have you been hiding something from us, Kyouya?"

"Nakuru-chan," Hikaru called out, mimicking Kyouya's voice as he held his arms open.

"Yes, boss?" Kaoru mimed in a high-pitched falsetto as they acted out a scene from a romance novel.

They exchanged glances over Kyouya's back. Kyouya, however, didn't look a bit troubled at being targeted by the twins.

"You know," they spoke deliberately in unison after seeing that their black-haired friend didn't succumb to their antics as easily as 'their lord', "it wouldn't look good for your reputation if you were caught having an affair with one of your clients or something."

Kyouya turned around with a feral grin on his face as he snapped a folder file shut. "Not that you two would ever _think_ about doing something like that, yes?"

They gulped and took an involuntary step backwards. Kyouya's predatory look was legendary, and perhaps the strain of a chaotic week had taken its toll on his sanity?

"Because if you two ever manage to spread rumors about me," his aura seemed to radiate a sense of maliciousness about him, "I will make _sure_ that I haunt your family line well after I'm dead. I'll find a way so that my reincarnation will make them miserable for as long as they live…"

* * *

Haruhi had decided, after spending quite some time working as a host, that something was strange about her sempai.

Oh, she didn't specifically mean Tamaki-sempai – that was already a given. And, well… she supposed that _all_ the members of the Host Club were weird and abnormal in their own little ways.

No, the person who was making her a bit – intrigued? Curious? Nervous? Apprehensive? – wary at the moment was someone other than the Host King. Still, she had come to know this particular person quite well (a little _too_ well to her liking, perhaps), and noted that he had a depth or quality that she couldn't quite explain or put her finger on.

Maybe it was her curiosity (she couldn't really call it an attraction, because she really wasn't _attracted_ to anyone in that sense) that drew her to him, slowly like a puzzle waiting to be solved. He was a mysterious being with many layers, and that confused her because it was so unlike any of the other individuals she had come across on campus.

Sometimes he was just another rich bastard attending Ouran High, caught in the world that these superficial people lived in. And yet at other times, he seemed so much older than the rest of them combined – _'Too old, perhaps_,'she mused.

Which was why she found herself approaching him after he had somehow managed to scare the twins off, holding that clipboard of his (_'Like a control-freak.'_) that he was never seen without.

He seemed to notice that she wanted to speak with him, even though he hadn't lifted his head to have seen her coming.

"Ah, Haruhi," he said, acknowledging her. "We're done for today. You can go home now." He paused and looked up when he realized that she was still standing there.

"Kyouya-sempai…" she began, not sure of how to say what was on her mind. The only times she had started a conversation with him was to find out just how much of the debt had been paid off. How do you ask how another person seemed to know everything that was going on? Haruhi blinked a few times, putting a hand under her chin. "Do you like eavesdropping on people?"

He laughed a little, seemingly amused, but he understood what she was getting at. "It is my job as the overseer of this club to make sure that all operations are running smoothly."

She shook her head. "No, it's not that." He waited for her to continue. "You seem to know a lot about other people, almost like a spy."

Kyouya smiled darkly and Haruhi found herself unintentionally shivering. "Maybe I have clairvoyant powers."

Ah yes, that look reminded her a little too much of Nekozawa and his penchant for dabbling (or attempts at doing so) into dark magic and the like. It was a grin that had sported his face when he was musing about how best to _demolish_ all of the Host Club's enemies during their cultural festival.

But that didn't mean that she believed him.

"Was that a joke?"

And he didn't look too put off by her response. She was, after all, Fujioka Haruhi. Skeptical, bluntly honest to a fault, and unmoved by things she couldn't touch or see. Or well, just unmoved in general…

"Was that a rhetorical question?" he replied without missing a beat.

She didn't feel like giving up, however. Not when that meant that she had to endure Tamaki-sempai's (well-meaning, but annoying) antics of getting her to become "more in touch with your feminine side, my daughter! Your father, Suoh Tamaki, wants to see you blossom like a beautiful flower in the spring…"

"It's just that…" Haruhi paused to shake her head clear. "It's a little creepy. I mean, you don't seem like a normal person."

"That depends on your definition of the word _'normal'_," he said smoothly, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

"Well, like everyone else."

"My dear, I don't think I've ever been like 'everyone else' ever before."

"But Sempai, do you have to be so…strangely detached? You push away a lot of people or use them like puppets in your plans."

He shrugged as he marked off an event that was scheduled in a few months and made a note to reschedule it in the near future. "Maybe I am just acting out what I was like in my past life."

Interesting. She wouldn't have thought that Kyouya-sempai would be into spirituality. People of 'sophistication' and 'higher learning' tended to put religion and such beneath them.

"Do you believe in that sort of stuff?" she pressed, hoping to find out more. "In reincarnation and karma?"

He gave a small laugh. "Why not? The rich have all the time in the world, so we're inclined to believe in what we choose."

"Sou ka…" she said, mulling it over in her head. "I suppose that the thought of reincarnation is comforting, though I seem to be suffering for past mistakes right now." She paused as an idea came to mind. "If you ever get reincarnated, I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune of meeting you."

With that, she gave him a farewell and left. Kyouya watched her walk out of the building through the Music Room windows, the sun making him squint in the late afternoon hour.

"As do I, Haruhi-kun," he whispered to no one in particular.

_As do I._

* * *

"Where to?" the chauffer asked as Kyouya closed the limo door behind him.

"The mansion," he replied as he took off his glasses and wiped them with a small polishing cloth.

The driver coughed politely.

"Oh, the _Ohtori_ mansion, of course."

"Right away, Master."

* * *

On a whim, he had decided to pick up the phone and give one of his old friends a call. He spun the old dial around once, twice, three times before he got the operator.

"Hello, Operator? Yes, this is Ohtori Kyouya speaking."

He paused here as the operator gave a start when she recognized his name. Sometimes, it felt good being well known. He had always loved that part of being famous even when he had been known for things other than wealth and prestige. Yuuko had told him once it was because he had a big ego…

"Yes, yes. Would you please patch me to…"

The operator quickly named off some of his favorite contacts, the ones he had kept in close touch with as the third son of the Ohtori family.

"No, I was hoping to get in contact with the owner of the Tsukimire Shrine." The operator named a city. "Yes, that one. Thank you."

He waited as the phone rang on the other end until a click told him that someone had picked up.

"This is the Tsukimire Shrine. How may I help you?"

Kyouya smiled at hearing a familiar voice. "Ah, Kaho. It's been a while. How have you been doing?"

Kaho's voice breezed through the receiver as if she were standing right next to him. "I'm doing just fine, _Kyouya_. I had a notion that you would contact us soon. I didn't know that you knew this number, however."

"And you knew it was me before you picked up?" he asked.

"Of course," she said wistfully. "But I didn't know your name until after you started talking. And certain friends of mine have been wondering what you were up to."

Kyouya recalled a few faces to mind. "Tell them that I have turned over a leaf and began a new _life._ The Mistress will know what I mean."

Kaho pried a little further. "And might I have the _fortune_ to know what are you doing right now?" Kyouya chuckled, feeling the woman's amusement filter through.

"I am enjoying what it is like to be a _normal_ human being," he replied.

"…Your definition of _normal_ is not the most comforting thing in the world. Don't you think that this little…_whim_ of yours is going too far?"

He laughed again. There was a knock on the door that interrupted whatever he was going to say, and Kyouya glanced at his watch. The phone buzzed in anticipation as Kyouya felt Kaho start speaking again.

"Eri-"

"I'm sorry Kaho," he cut in, "but I need to be going. I shall give you a call later, yes? Goodbye."

He hung the phone back on its receiver.

"Master Kyouya?" a voice said timidly. The door creaked open an inch, and a faced peered inside.

"Come in," he replied, gesturing the maid. She entered, holding an envelope.

"Your father wished for me to give this to you."

"Thank you."

She bowed and left, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Kyouya opened the envelope and discarded it in the trashcan next to the fireplace.

The letter was a formal invitation to a party that his father was hosting at one of their country clubs. Kyouya was to be the overseer of the party, which would give him a chance to prove his worth over his older two brothers.

He smiled wickedly at the irony of the contents in the letter. The papers crumpled in his fists and disintegrated, sending dust particles into the air. He made his way to a big red chair in the middle of his private quarters as he pondered about the current happenings. A staff appeared in his hands as he sat down, and the formerly cold fireplace sprang to life at a flick of his wrist.

Kyouya stared into the painting of… well, _himself_ on the wall and laughed in bitter amusement.

It was an amazing coincidence that he looked so much like the people he called his 'family.' But no, he did not believe in coincidence because there was no such thing – only _fate_. And it was fate that led him to take up the name of Ohtori Kyouya when he had already established a reputation as another, elsewhere.

Kyouya recalled the letter – one particular line – to mind.

"And now, my third son, make me proud as your father. I am sure that the Ohtori line will flourish under your care."

It had been a shame that the real third son of the Ohtori family had been a stillborn, because he could have – would have – grown up to be a fine young man. This, Kyouya knew for certain because his Sight had told him so, had the circumstances been different. It was a good thing that his magic was still powerful enough to convince the rest of his family that that particular tragedy had never happened.

Because _this_ Ohtori Kyouya was more than what he seemed to be…

And Hiiragizawa Eriol was an expert at the art of deceit, magic or no.

_Fin._

* * *

Author's Notes:

Did anyone else think that Kyouya's personality and looks were a lot like Hiiragizawa Eriol? XDD And the Hitachiin brothers like the Weasley twins?

Oh god, and I just realized that Tamaki reminds me of Gai-sensei from Kishimoto's _Naruto_. (shudders) Waaaaaay too much enthusiasm for me to deal with, even in small doses. They do, however, make for a good laugh every once in a while.

I love crack crossovers, especially when they fit so well together. I have another idea for an Ouran/CCS crossover, but not in any way related to this. Oh, and this one also included a _very_ slight cross with xxxHolic, but only in one or two sentences. You'll miss it if you don't squint.

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_June 15, 2006_


	2. Intentions

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.**  
**

**Title:**Intentions**  
****Pairing:** erk…unintentional, but can be interpreted as slight Mori/Hunny  
**Rating:** PG…13?  
**Genre:** Angst, Tragedy  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran or any of its characters.  
**Warning:** Character death(ish)  
**Summary:** Sometimes, Morinozuka Takashi mused, physical strength just wasn't enough.

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstance**

"Intentions"

By Hikagi

* * *

No one was moving; no one was saying anything. Even the Hitachiin twins were uncharacteristically silent, their moods dampened by the sudden turn of events.

Morinozuka Takashi was staring down at his hands as silent as ever as he tried to bore holes in his flesh. The seconds were ticking by slowly, and the tension was uncomfortably thick in the room.

Thirty minutes ago, he had come racing down the hallways, soaked to the bone and flinging water in every direction as his shoes sloshed against the tiled floor. The rest of the Host Club members had followed him by tracking the wet footprints down the white corridors, discarding their umbrellas and excusing themselves for causing a slight scene.

And now, Takashi was sitting outside in the waiting room, nervously tapping his feet in hopes of getting rid of the anxiety churning in his stomach. The sound echoed through the air due to the lack of bodies occupying the empty space partially because the room was closed off to the general public, and partially because only a few servants had been brought along for the occasion.

Takashi hadn't even known that he tapped his feet when he was stressed out until now. Bad habits had never shown up before because something or another had required his attention. Things like school, kendo practice, the Host Club, watching over Mitsukuni…

…_Dammit_. He had been _such_ an _idiot!_

He should have been more careful. He should have been more alert. Mitsukuni had literally been standing next to him at an arm's length. Why hadn't he pushed him away when he had the chance…?

He punched the wall next to him and was unfazed when the plaster gave away. A growl was building up at the bottom of his throat, and more than anything else, _this_ made Takashi blink in surprise, made him shake awake from whatever he had been thinking about.

He unclenched his fists, noting that they were white and slightly bruised, yet numb.

He had forgotten his own strength for a brief instant. His hands hadn't even registered the pain that was supposed to have alerted his brain of his destructive actions. Of course, that would be due to all of his training – training that hadn't helped save his cousin…

A slight pressure on his arm interrupted his train of thought.

"Mori-sempai," Haruhi said tentatively, drawing her hand back after getting his attention. Takashi looked down towards the freshman, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Please calm down, Mori-sempai. The doctors are doing all that they can."

He nodded, indicating that he understood and appreciated her concern. She took that as a sign to leave him alone for the time being and joined the others across the room. And although everyone was distressed about their Hunny-sempai, they couldn't help but be worried (and even a little terrified) of the normally calm Morinozuka.

Stupid car. Stupid rain. Stupid road. He swore that he was somehow going to find a way to control the weather so that nothing like this could ever happen again. Either that, or he was going to make sure that every car company upped their standards for their braking systems.

Takashi imagined what Mitsukuni would look like afterwards – his small, child-like body hooked up to the ICU – and he flinched.

…Just what sort of person was he that he couldn't even protect his best friend?

He should have done something more; he berated himself for being so stupid. Yet at the same time, he knew that no one could have seen this coming; no one could have prevented anything like _this_ from happening.

Because Haninozuka Mitsukuni was currently in the Emergency Room after being whisked to the hospital via an ambulance, and no one knew if he would make it out alive. Takashi was trying his hardest not to go insane from the anxiety as he sat in the waiting room with the rest of the Host club.

Because it didn't matter if you were filthy rich enough to buy just about anything in the world, were ridiculously good-looking, or held the national kendo or judo championship – it didn't make a difference in the afterlife. Takashi would have given up his inheritance if he could – his eyes, his right arm, his _soul_ if he had to – right now to see his cousin alive and well.

Because in real life, accidents happen, and cars don't take anything into consideration when they skid and crash into people on a rainy day, going over a hundred kilometers an hour.

_Fin._

* * *

Author's Notes:

(cries) I'm so sorry for doing this to you, Hunny! (cries some more) And I know that Mori is acting a tad out of character, but I'm inclined to believe that he would freak out _somewhat_ if something serious ever happened to Hunny.

Gah, I hate writing stuff like this. Reading other people's works are fine, but I tend to go on somewhat of an emotional roller coaster ride when I write tragic stuff. I have no idea where I got the notion to do this fic, but I must be stressed out or something in order for me to stick my head in this genre.

I am _supposed_ to be writing for my other ("plot-filled") stories, _not_ entertaining my thoughts on drabbles and one-shots! (bashes head against the table) But at _least_ I _am_ doing _something_…

100 kilometers/hour is slightly over 60 miles/hour.

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_June 16, 2006_


	3. Please Ignore

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.**  
**

**Title:** Please Ignore the Lord...  
**Pairing:** None.  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** General, Humor  
**Disclaimer:** I own nada.  
**Summary:** Tamaki was at it again -- cue the sigh. 400-word drabble. Inspired by sciathanfile (who wanted Tamaki with glasses) and her 'Instrumentation' drabble.  
**Spoilers:** None.

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstance**

"Please Ignore the Lord..."

By Hikagi

* * *

Haruhi turned around after picking up a tray of emptied drinks and nearly dropped the silver platter in surprise.

"S-sempai?" she called out, somewhat startled. During the three minutes she had spent pouring drinks and serving coffee, the Third Music Room had somehow managed to acquire a variety of objects that hadn't been there before.

"Well, Haruhi," Tamaki said, gesturing with a flourish to the crowded space next to where the piano used to be before it was covered up and blocked out of sight. "How do you like it?"

Mona Lisa (she assumed that it was a copy, but she could never be sure because she wouldn't put it past them to actually bring/buy the _real_ painting to school, granted that it was a priceless treasure) was propped up on an eisle next to a drapped Michelangelo's David which was somewhat covered due to the assortment of silver and gold things (_weapons_, she realized). There were many more things, but something else caught her attention.

Tamaki had not taken it well when their efforts at a musical performance day went down the drain. Instead, he had opted for doing something else.

And now he was standing in the middle of the room, dressed in a white smock with a beret hanging precariously off of one side of his head. And he was wearing a fake mustache. And glasses. And was that a paintbrush behind his ear?

"Come now, Haruhi. I'm sure that our _art_ exhibition will go along much better!"

"Tono," the twins chorused, "that's what you said _last_ time."

"Besides," Kaoru chimed, "I think you'd better give the glasses back."

Tamaki faltered. "B-but, he doesn't _need_ them, does he? I thought he had perfect vision - these glasses aren't prescripted!" An object to his head was the answer as Kyouya threw half of a pencil at the Host King, knocking the beret and a splash of colors (_paint?_) into the air.

Haruhi blinked at Tamaki sprawled on the floor, the twins, the random collection of 'art' in the room, and a glasses-less Kyouya (who had a tick on his forehead, a folder in one hand and half of a snapped pencil in the other). She then decided to take the best course of action in this situation by turning around, walking in the opposite direction, ignoring Tamaki's shouts and forgetting everything she had seen after picking up the tray of drinks.

_Fin. _

* * *

Author's Notes:

I need to write more. And I need to get my computer fixed. And I need Internet at my apartment... le sigh

Am taking requests, but only if they are left in my forums. I will respond back to tell you if I can or cannot do them.

And I have more Ouran stuff, but most of them are much too short for my tastes. You can find them if you scroll through my LJ.

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_September 02, 2006_


	4. Surprise!

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.

**Title:** Surprise!**  
****Pairing:** none  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** General, Humor  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran or any of its characters.  
**Summary:** Tamaki has something special in store for Haruhi, and he's determined not to mess up.

Dedicated to Krys Yuy.

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstance**

"Surprise!"

By Hikagi

* * *

"Tono," one of the twins whispered quietly. "Explain again why we are doing this…?"

Tamaki turned around, cradling the box in his arms protectively like what a child might do with his most prized possession.

"What do you mean?" the junior said, blinking at the suddenness of the question.

"You know." Hikaru waved an arm around for emphasis. "All this sneaking around."

Kaoru elbowed him lightly. "We've _been_ spying on her for a while. Who says that today's any different?"

The other Hitachiin sighed. "It's just that… Never mind."

"Because," Tamaki replied, now stroking the nondescript box with obvious affection. "My daughter deserves much more than what we've been doing for her these past few days. I've worked very hard to ensure that everything goes right!"

"Anosaa," Hikaru remarked, drawing his arms to his hips. "Are you sure this isn't because you just found out _yesterday_ that _today_ is Ha-"

Tamaki lunged forward to clap a hand over the first-year's mouth, bringing a finger in front of his own. "Shh!"

"Hikaru!" Kaoru hissed, mirroring Tamaki's motions. "You're not supposed to say _that word_ out loud! Tono spent all of yesterday making _that_," he motioned to the box with his head, "by himself. Besides, what if she hears you?"

"What if I hear what?"

The unexpected arrival of another voice made them all start and jump in the air together. Their sudden, collective action made them look as if they were caught engaging in a secretive activity they shouldn't have been doing.

Tamaki quickly hid his box behind his back and the twins stood on either side of him, hiding the object from Haruhi's view.

"Nothing!" they shouted in unison. That made Haruhi's eyebrows quirk up in skeptism.

"Hmm? Are you sure?"

Haruhi peered suspiciously at the trio who were now sweating at her close proximity. Tamaki tried to diffuse the situation by drawing her attention away.

"I-it's really nothing! Haruhi. Now if you'll just. Go on your way. There isn't – anything! Going on. So just. Go to class and. We'll see you at the Host Club. Later. Okay?"

Haruhi just stared, wondering why his voice was so abnormal and his sentences were chopped up. Tamaki mentally cursed at how unnatural he sounded as he tried to convince her to go away. Eventually, she seemed to buy his excuse and left the three high schoolers behind, shaking her head all the while.

"Phew. Close call," Kaoru breathed in relief after he could no longer see Haruhi's retreating back.

His brother agreed. "Yeah, thanks _Tono_."

"Well, at least she didn't find out," Tamaki argued.

"But she _almost_ did. Anyway, did you see that look on her face?"

_"Scary!"_

"Let's go get ready before anything else happens."

They all nodded and scampered off in the opposite direction that Haruhi had left.

* * *

Haruhi paused before the doors leading to the Third Music Room, wondering if she should be afraid. There were shuffling sounds coming from inside, and an occasional shout or two. She winced as she heard bodies colliding, followed by a crash and obscenities from more than one person's mouth.

She sighed and pushed the door open, half expecting to see the room redecorated into a jungle, the Host Club members dressed in another tacky outfit from Brazil or Italy or whatever their King had in mind.

Instead, she was mildly surprised to see that the room was pretty much the same save for a few minor differences. There was no jungle, no rice-paper walls, no extravagant layout of another place or time period – nothing. Everything was amazingly normal.

Huh. Imagine that. And Tamaki-sempai said that he had wanted to dress up as something exotic today.

Speaking of which, where was everyone? Weren't they all here just a second ago?

Something was very wrong here…

Suddenly, something exploded above her, causing her to nearly jump out of her own skin. That was followed by a succession of loud pops, streamers flying through the air and confetti falling from the ceiling.

"Happy Birthday Haruhi!"

Haruhi was honestly surprised this time – even more so when the rest of the Host Club came out with a cart full of presents and confections.

There was a cake set out for her, with "otanjoubiomedetou haruhichan" written out in a childish scrawl. It was obvious that Tamaki had done the icing because it was a bit skewed; the cake was a little crooked, making the little flowery decorations look like they were going to slide off at any given moment.

"Do you like it? I made the cake myself! I used the cookbook you got me a few weeks ago from the supermarket. Isn't it pretty? I spent all night yesterday trying to make it perfect for my lovely daughter! And I brought it to school in a cardboard box so that you wouldn't find out, and the twins nearly spoiled the surprise when you caught us in the hallway, but it was a good thing that you didn't see it, otherwise-"

"Tamaki-sempai," Haruhi cut in, the babble going over her head – she had stopped trying to make sense of his rambles long ago – and out the window. "Who told you this?"

Suoh Tamaki halted in his tirade and paused, wondering why she looked so surprised and out of place.

"Why, Kyoya mentioned it once in passing. He said that _someone's_," he pointed at her, "_special_ day was coming up very soon. Of course, he never said, but he obviously meant you because I never got to find out when your birthday was, and Kyoya said that the 12th of October-"

She should have known. Leave it to the Shadow King to pull things along in the background.

"Sempai," she called out, trying to regain his attention.

"-wasn't sure if you would like strawberry or vanilla better, so I decided to be safe and mixed both flavors into the batter-"

That wasn't working. She was going to have to call louder.

"Sempai."

"-but then I thought that chocolate went better with the strawberries, so I added in a bunch of cocoa chunks to compliment the strawberries, but Kaoru said that I wasn't supposed to add that stuff in until later, so I tried to take it out-"

"_Sempai_!"

"Yes, Haruhi?"

He stopped talking, but his face was just _so_ _happy_ that she felt as if she didn't have the right to ruin the moment. He looked like a very pleased (and not to mention, adorable) puppy, and she couldn't help but feel like she was going to deliver it a kick or two.

"My birthday isn't for another four months."

There was a long moment of silence as Tamaki's world came crashing down.

"B-but. Kyoya! He said…"

Haruhi sighed.

"Kyoya-sempai knew I was a girl from the very beginning. He probably has seen my records already."

"Then today – today's not…?"

"My birthday is on February 4th."

Tamaki nearly collapsed to the floor in tears.

_Fin._

* * *

Author's Notes:

Happy Birthday, Krys! (hugs)

Goodness, I rushed like mad to post this up. Started typing an hour ago and sped like hell to get it submitted before midnight. I appologize if anything is messed up as a consequence. XD

And dangit, I wasn't fast enough. The date shows that I updated on the 13th. Drat.

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_October 12, 2006_


	5. Reoccurring Themes

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.

**Title**: Reoccurring Themes  
**Pairing**: very slight Hikaru/Kaoru  
**Rating**: PG? Maybe PG13, but not really.  
**Genre**: General, Humor, _Parody_  
**Disclaimer**: I own nada.  
**Warning**: It's crap. Really. Read at your own risk.  
**Summary**: Their friends had been killed in a freak accident. Only, the Hitachiin brothers found out that it wasn't an accident. Someone had planned this, and they were going to find the murderers. Except that Hikaru's been shot in the process! How will Kaoru survive with assassins on his back? Not to mention, helping a mysterious lost girl find her way home?

I'm trying a hand at this because there are just _so many_ writers out there whose works make me shiver and cringe. This is utter crap!crack, but in a different sense than what you'll usually find from me. It's horrendous. You have been warned.

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstance**

"Reoccurring Themes"

By Hikagi

* * *

(Act One: Scene Three – Crap)

"Naze?"

Hikaru was lieing on the ground crippled with pain. There was blood every wear and it was starting to seep across the ground.

"Naze?" He whispered.

Karou sniffled as he walked closer. He tried not to step on the blood. His borther's blood. But it somehow managed to get on his sneakers anyways.

"Why did you push me away?"

"Kaoru." Hikaru said reaching out to his brother. "Gomen." Hikaru said as he stroked Kaoru's face. "But i'm dieing"

Kaoru gasped in shock.

"It's the truth"

NO!"

The bullet wound had been to close to his heart. Karou knew. But that didn't mean that Kaoru wasn't going to try and save HIkaru. His best friend. The person he loved the most.

The person who's blood was now all over his hands.

"Demo demo" Kaoru cried.

"I have to leave soon" Hikaru said with regrets in his eyes.

"But your to precious to me to die! I don't want you to go!" Kaoru said as he held Hikarus hand in his own.

Kaoru didn't know weather his twin was going to live or not. And it was all his fault.

"Kaoru. Aishiteru" Hikaru rasped.

"Don't talk" Kaoru said.

"I… I just… want you to n-no…"

"I love you to Hikaru" Karou said.

"Im sorry that I couldn't protect you like I promised."

"What are you talking about you pushed me out of the way!" he yelled angry. Kaoru looked down ashamed.

"But I swore to you when we were little remember that I said that no matter what happens I will protect you from everything"

"I don't care. That was really long ago and theres no way that I gonna let something stupid like that take you from me"

There was silence. Kaorus nose twitched as he tried to stop his tears with his sleeve.

He felt more tears fall and couldn't hide them anymore.

"I'm sorry I wasn't stronger than I am now I could've done a better job" Hikaru said.

"But!"

Kaoru was panicing. Hiakrus heartbeat was getting slower.

"I wish I had been stronger"

"Your strong enough"

"Gomen Kaoru"

Suddenly Hiakru whinced.

"Itaii…"

"Hikaru?"

"Itaii, Kaoru"

"Hikaru!"

"Gomen Karou see you in heaven" He whispered.

"HIKARU!!"

Hikaru's arm went limp as his eyes closed, the darkness taking over his vision…

* * *

(Off Camera – Not As Crappy Crap)

"And CUT! Okay people, that's a wrap for today."

Hikaru winced as Renge's voice filtered over the megaphone, completely shattering the moment of his untimely… well, _death._

He sighed as he picked himself off the ground and out of the puddle of dyed syrup that was supposed to be posing as his own blood and turned his head so that he could see his twin's face. Kaoru was dabbing his eyes on a handkerchief he kept in handy during any of their filming sessions.

"Ah, dammit. I hate these Vaseline sticks. Why can't I just use the good old teardrops instead?"

"At least that way I won't have to ruin my clothes," was added as an afterthought, but only Hikaru was able to hear it.

"You're not the only one to have ruined clothes," Hikaru muttered, eyeing with distaste how the syrup was soaking into his jacket. There went fifty-thousand yen.

"Because," Renge stated from her director's seat, "the eye drops take too long to apply and have the chance that they would be caught on tape."

"So what?" Kaoru said, eyes twitching. "These things burn!"

"They're not supposed to get in your eyes," was the response.

"I know that! It's just that… Argh! I keep forgetting which part of my sleeve has the Vaseline on it!"

"If you have any complaints, take it up with the costume manager."

Kaoru spun around so that his head was facing Hikaru. They shared a long, significant look that spoke of possible mischief and pain for a certain otaku.

* * *

(Off Camera? – Not As Crappy Crap, But With Some Crappy Elements) – Original title, yes I know.

Haruhi walked up to the Hitachiin twins, eyeing the horribly tacky movie scene around her with skeptism. "What's going on?"

Hikaru greeted her with a wave, motioning that she should have a seat. "Just a little side hobby."

"We were bored," Kaoru corrected.

She noticed the camera and director's chair not too far away. "Even after our last attempt at a Host Club video?"

They beamed in unison, sharing that seemingly innocent smile Haruhi recognized to be the one they used when causing mayhem.

"_Especially_ after our collaborated video. Kyouya said that that tape made us a lot of money."

"So we're continuing the series."

Haruhi raised an eyebrow, finding fault with whatever screwed sense of logic they were using. "Wouldn't the fans notice if half the cast suddenly disappeared from the act?"

There was that maniacal smile again.

Hikaru draped an arm over Haruhi's shoulder as he handed her a copy of the script. "Don't worry – we have it all figured out."

"Yes," Kaoru nodded as Haruhi slowly flipped through the pages like she would a legal document. "We opted that they all got killed off in a freak plane accident over the Himalayas that wasn't really an accident. And to avenge our fallen brethren, Hikaru and I set off on a journey to find the culprits after finding subtle, but not so subtle hints left behind at the scene of the crime."

Not noticing their comrade's expression, Hikaru continued on. "Only, I get killed along the way, and Kaoru is left to fend for himself. Later, he saves a lost, mysterious young girl named Sen from the devices of bandits and decides to take her home. The only problem is that she has amnesia."

Haruhi sighed. It was beginning to sound like a stereotypical manga scenario.

Picking up after his brother, Kaoru waggled a finger in front of Haruhi's face and flipped through the script. "What I _don't_ know is that she also has super powers that can be used to save or destroy the world!"

"U-huh. And the bad guys are after her because she used to be our friend but was taken into hiding due to her powers. And we didn't remember her because it was such a long time ago."

A stereotypical _shoujo_ manga scenario.

Haruhi noted that they were picking up more steam as they went on. Perhaps there was something about this movie shooting that they weren't telling her?

"Sen and I hit it off as the journey progresses. Except now I'm conflicted between her and my deceased brother." Kaoru raised a clenched fist to his chest and stared dejectedly (Haruhi, however, wasn't convinced) into the distance. "Should I turn my unwavering attention to the striking beauty besides me and dishonor by brother's memory? Or should I cling to my lost twin and potentially break the heart of the fair maiden who has placed her entire future in my hands?"

Hikaru's face was serious as he continued summarizing the story's basic plot. "More problems arise as Sen starts remembering a little of her past. Eventually, she's pieced enough together to recognize Kaoru's face and personality."

"Thing is that she used to like Hikaru more. But she doesn't know how to break the news to me."

Haruhi's eyes were starting to twitch from the cheesy-ness of it all.

A _badly written_ stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.

"Unfortunately, she never gets to." Hikaru crept around her chair, leaning over her back and speaking into her ears with a dramatic voice. "The enemy lures Kaoru into a trap and steals the young beauty from his arms, threatening to kill her if he does not reach the castle within a given amount of time. Devastated and determined, he finally reaches the enemy's hideout only to find out that not everyone has died."

"Yes," Kaoru nodded. "The enemy turned out to be our long lost friend Ran whom we thought to have died in yet another freak accident in a far off country that no one's ever heard of before."

Hikaru's voice rose in volume, giving Haruhi the impression that he was channeling Tamaki-sempai. "Ran challenges Kaoru to a duel against one of his minions and our hero accepts, only to find out that his brother had not died after all!"

Haruhi didn't know whether to be sick or amused by their antics at this point. And the twins were showing no signs of stopping any time soon.

"Then there is a big confrontation between us. Hikaru apparently remembers Sen and had liked her when we were little. But he feels betrayed because I was getting close to her. Ran uses these emotions to gain control of Hikaru as his minion."

A _poorly planned_, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario.

"Then we fight it off. I'm on the verge of killing Kaoru when Sen steps in the middle and intercepts our blades. We unintentionally injure her and realize that the fight was stupid from the start."

Haruhi stifled a snort. The Hitachiins didn't notice and were _still_ going at it.

"But then Ran had an evil plan up his sleeves. You see, Sen had magic powers that were keeping the earth safe. By us injuring her, the whole world was put into peril. Ran was related to Sen, and when she dies, he inherits the duty of protecting the earth. He was planning on using his position to rule as a tyrant."

"So Sen uses the last of her vanishing powers to heal us both before collapsing. We put aside our differences and decide to vanquish Ran from the face of the earth."

"The scene ends with us landing one, solid blow before the screen fades to white. And for the epilogue, it shows the two of us idling about our mansion, talking happily about something trivial."

Haruhi rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time.

"We walk in to a room, and by the window there's a girl sitting there. It's implied that the girl is Sen. Everyone lives happily ever after and the movie ends with an outside shot panning up."

A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario that _involved the Hitachiins_.

Haruhi was tempted to check up and cross reference all of the script's contents to movies and books written in the past.

"So what do you think? Story sounds good?"

Haruhi sighed as she eyed the atrocity in her hands. "It sounds like someone's been breaching copyright laws."

Kaoru looked at her, appalled. "Nothing of the sort!"

Hikaru merely grabbed a water bottle from a cooler and waved the statement away. "Besides, it's not like we don't have the money to pay off who ever claims the rights to those stories."

Haruhi sighed and rolled her eyes yet _again._ "So, who wrote the script?"

Kaoru placed a finger on his chin and looked thoughtful. "I believe Renge was in charge of overseeing the production."

Haruhi blinked. "Renge was in charge?" That explained some of the lines. Like that one page that had her handwriting all over it with an insert of, _'I lOv U fRuM dA bOtToM oF mY hEaRt!'_ in the margins. "What ever happened to the producers she hired from Hollywood?"

Correction: A poorly planned, badly written stereotypical shoujo manga scenario _created by Renge_ that involved the Hitachiins.

"She dismissed them. Thought she could do a better job."

"They left for another film. There's a lot more work to be done, but all the girls Renge called up are handling them."

Haruhi refrained from finding a solid object to smash her head into.

The world as she knew it was coming to an end.

"Besides," one of the twins said, "we get to help pick the cast."

"And since we're still at the beginning stages…"

They both paused dramatically before giving her four thumbs-up. "We decided that you could be the girl with amnesia!"

Haruhi's first urge went away only to be replaced by another. One that involved heavy, blunt objects connecting with certain people's heads. She replied in a deadpanned voice.

"You do that, and I'll see to it that I transfer out of this school."

The twins yelled in surprise at her statement, then proceeded to whine and wail in displeasure. Haruhi only pressed her fingers to her temple, trying to fight off an incoming headache.

_Fin._

* * *

Author's Notes:

Happy, sciathan file? I wrote alien!Haruhi as promised. Except, she wasn't really an alien in the strictest sense. And it was only on script. And it wasn't really her. And a whole bunch of other things.

O.O This is so much longer than I originally intended. It was supposed to be about one or two pages (less than a thousand words) long, but now it's over eight pages and 2.5 thousand words!

This was **heavily** inspired by all the crap circulating about. Every intentional mistake you see in the story has been taken from and/or inspired by fics/authors on FFN, so I'm afraid that I can't claim some of the more creative errors. I didn't get everything that I intended to because it was _that bad_. Everything was so cheesy, it was making my skin crawl and shrivel up. I never want to write anything this awful ever again, even for parody or humor reasons.

Did you know that your computer (i.e. Word Document) does not correct some of your spelling errors for you, especially when the words already exist in the dictionary but have a totally different meaning? (gasp!) "Dieing" is not the antonym of "living" – it is the action of cutting, forming, or stamping with or as if with a "die" (the noun, not the verb). "Dying," however, is the act of getting the life snuffed out of you when the Sisters of Fate decide to cut your thread.

If people didn't know already, I am an avid (read: obsessed) fan of crossovers. Unfortunately, that's where a lot of the crap goes around (Romance stories too, but I'm not really into those). And having been fed up with horrible _everything_, I decided to see for myself if writing crap was as easy and effortless as it seemed like despite all the 'effort' people put in to it. God, I had to stop myself from going back and correcting the mistakes _I made on purpose._ (smacks self on the head) I can't even write proper crap. My 'problem' is that I think through things too much before I even act. (sigh)

Anyone interested (bored enough) to see what I've incorporated? Pointers for common mistakes that I _haven't_ made? This, of course, only applies to the first part of the story. Mistakes in the second and third sections were probably unintentional seeing that I was still channeling the "OMG fangirl wannabe Japanese" spirits from the first section. Well, except for the manga plot that I "made up" – that was the crap incorporated in the third part.

Except, I shouldn't be carping all too much. After all, with the exception of the obvious spelling and grammar errors, I've made many of these mistakes a countless number of times. Like the whole shoujo manga plot thing. Yeah. I believe my first… (counts) three or four works were steeped with those elements.

On a random note: I keep misspelling Hikaru's name as my own because it's so similar. (grimaces) You have no idea how many times I was reading through and saw my penname where it wasn't supposed to be.

After this, I should go read sciathan file's works. Her writing makes me feel better in comparison to the crap I write. (scurries away)

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_November 13, 2006_


	6. Who's Your Lucky Card?

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.

Happy Birthday to Chiaza-chan! Because  
a) I needed to do something for her birthday,  
b) she's been wanting an Ouran fanart (with specific requirements) for the longest time,  
c) I couldn't do the fanart and she's okay with the fic version,  
d) Circumstances needed updating. Lol.

**Title**: Who's Your Lucky Card?  
**Characters**: Haruhi, Ranka  
**Pairing**: none  
** Word Count**: 2,850  
**Rating**: PG  
** Summary**: Ranka is worried that Haruhi is growing up too fast. To make an effort to spend more time with her, he invites her to attend a concert. But she declines, saying that she's not interested in it at all. Or is she?  
**Notes**: Kinda OOC and AU-ish.

And I apologize for any brain damage caused by reading of said fic. Something about it makes me cringe. Yays for a rushed job. (wince) And it feels like it's missing a lot of things too. (frowns)

_**Beware of major OOC and AUness. And impossible things happening.**_ XD

Thanks to sciathan file for helping me with the ideas/names.

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstance**

"Who's Your Lucky Card?"

By Hikagi

* * *

There were rumors that an exclusive band was going to visit the town. The reactions from people at work varied from highly skeptical, disbelief, and ill-contained excitement.

Haruhi fidgeted and tried to keep her fingers occupied instead of playing around with her ponytail. She was getting a headache trying to shut out all the shrieks and whispers that vibrated through the walls of her office.

Really, she didn't see what all this fuss was about. The rumors were hindering her work and preventing anything from getting done. And she didn't see what there was to get excited over either.

A few months ago, a relatively unknown group called Lucky Card performed at a local charity concert and announced their presence to the world. Their attire was a little strange, to say the least, but their music was very catchy and wonderfully arranged. After a few small, informal performances, they made their first real debut in Tokyo at a gathering intended to bring attention to undiscovered talents.

What made them an instant hit was that all of their players were talented and good-looking.

What made their popularity soar was that they were all talented, good-looking _men_.

_Boy-band._

From that point on, word spread quickly, mostly through the mouths of fangirls.

Apparently, the members of Lucky Card used stage names and did not offer up any personal information to the public. After their concerts, they didn't stick around to sign posters or autograph shirts. They hadn't made a CD album yet, even though they had plenty of songs to do so.

It made their merchandise all the more rare and valuable.

It didn't hurt that their clothes were fashionable and fit the general card theme. The predominant colors present were red, black and white with a little variety depending on each band member.

Some of the higher-bred fans commented that the style was very reminiscent of Hitachiin Yuzuha, but most others were unfamiliar with that name, or wrote it of as a near impossibility. After all, why would a famous fashion designer want to tailor clothes for a group of young musicians?

The sheer lack of productivity made Haruhi just want to go home to get away from all the gossip.

Her workplace was beginning to resemble Ouran a little too much for her tastes. Libraries were meant for studying, and offices were made so that people could work!

She glanced at the clock and noted that it was fifteen minutes until closing time.

_'Today is Thursday,'_ she said to herself in order to fight off the headache as she brushed the imaginary dust off of her suit jacket and skirt. _'Today is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday. Just a quarter of an hour to go…'_

* * *

Haruhi turned off the kitchen faucet when she heard the sound of jingling keys and the front door being unlocked.

"I'm home," a voice called from the entranceway. This was followed by a series of shuffling noises and the door slamming shut.

"You're back early, today," she responded as she dried her hands on her apron and left the kitchen. "I thought you said you'd be working late on Fridays, Tou-san. It's only one in the afternoon."

Ranka – hair accessories, makeup, stunning outfit and all – chuckled in amusement, bringing up a sleeve to cover his mouth.

"Just thought I'd surprise you," he enunciated, wagging his finger and tilting his head in time to each syllable.

Haruhi looked at him with a flat stare, a little apprehensive. "What kind of surprise?" The last time her father had sprung up any news on her, it had not been a pleasant experience. She was almost loathed to find out what sort of adventure he would come up with _this_ time, and she hoped that it wasn't something ridiculous. That one Roberia incident from a few years ago wasn't completely erased from mind yet, and she had no desire to repeat anything of that sort.

"My dear, you say this with a hint of mistrust in your voice! After all, I got out of the tranny bar early just for you!"

Ranka winked and made his way to his bedroom to change. Haruhi sighed and picked up after her father, noting that the man had gone shopping on his way home. She reminded herself to buy the few things that he had forgotten the next time she went to the supermarket.

Thirty minutes later, after Ranka had showered and Haruhi finished preparing lunch, they sat down and continued the conversation from where they had left off.

"What kind of surprise did you have in store?"

"A surprise is supposed to be a surprise!"

She tried not to roll her eyes. "You're going to tell me anyway, so you might as well say it now."

"Haruhi-chan," Ranka said, amusement apparent in his voice. "Always the straight-forward lawyer, I see."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

He didn't answer, and Haruhi wondered if he was purposely avoiding the question. She was startled when Ranka suddenly dove forward and caught her hand.

"My beautiful daughter," he said with tears in his eyes, "is all grown up! I can't believe that it's been over two decades since you came into this world! Oh Kotoko, what am I going to do when she leaves?"

"Tou-san!" Haruhi panicked, trying to calm down his wailings. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"But what if you're leaving soon?"

"The only way I'd be leaving is if a business trip comes up."

Ranka sighed in defeat, letting the topic go as he did the same with his daughter's hand. "We hardly spend any more time together."

Haruhi set her chopsticks down and tilted her head to one side. "Is this what it's about?"

He gave a dismissive sort of wave with his hands. "Sort of. I was thinking that we could do something tonight."

"Like what?"

"I hear that there's a new band in town. Lucky Card, or something. One of my coworkers told me that they're holding a concert tonight. You want to go? I hear they're all the rage."

Haruhi shook her head. _This_ was what she had been hoping to escape from when she had left work yesterday. News, rumors, gossip, or nonsense about Lucky Card. She really didn't care to know.

"Not interested."

"Why?"

"Would you be able to get tickets at the last minute?"

"Good point."

"Besides, I've got something planned with the Club."

"You're not in high school anymore."

"I know, I know. But they like to get together every week or so. That's why I asked for Fridays off from the office."

"Hmm. What do you kids do on these gatherings, anyway?"

He already knew most of what was going on because Kyouya kept in touch every once in a while. But sometimes Ranka couldn't help but feel that he was withholding just a _little_ bit of information.

"Nothing much. We talk, play a few games, you know. Sometimes we go to the beach, or one of their resorts."

"Ah. So my plans are ruined."

"We could still go out shopping. I have a few hours before they're supposed to pick me up."

They resumed eating again, and Haruhi was relieved that her father didn't press the issue any further.

* * *

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan!"

"Let's go, Haruhi!"

"Everyone's waiting for you!"

"We're going to be late!"

Haruhi waved at the former members of the Host Club, signaling that she had heard.

"I'm going now, Tou-san. Most likely, we'll be going to dinner at one of their hotels or something."

"You take care."

"I will."

Haruhi left the apartment wearing a simple but elegant dress, her hair in a loose braid and light makeup on her face. She walked down the steps with her head held high, a purse in one hand and a jacket in the other. But the most important thing Ranka noticed was the smile on her face as someone ushered her into the car.

* * *

A car pulled up towards the sidewalk and the driver's window rolled down. Ranka was greeted with a familiar face.

"Man, thanks for coming out on such a late notice."

"Oh, it wasn't a problem," Ranka said, smiling. "I was free this evening anyway."

He got in the passenger's seat and they drove off, leaving the apartment complex behind them.

"So how did you get the tickets anyway?" Ranka asked, as he fiddled with the contents in his purse.

"A friend of mine got sick this morning, so he gave them to me instead. And since you seemed interested about this band yesterday, I thought, 'Why not?'"

"That's so thoughtful of you."

* * *

"Wow," Ranka whistled as they edged their way towards their seats, bumping into a number of people in the process. "It's really crowded here."

"Of course," his friend responded. "They're getting more popular with each concert."

Eventually, they found their spots amongst the pushing, impatient fans. It was a little towards the right, but at least it was close enough so that they could see the stage clearly.

Ranka supposed that it was a good thing that the majority of the fans were girls, though, because he could see above their heads.

"So," he nudged his coworker as they sat down to rest their feet. "What are the members like?"

"I was waiting for you to ask! As you know, they're all very good-looking men. They're said to be a six-man band, but sometimes fans see them in the company of a few more individuals. They mostly figure the extra people to be supporting cast or whatnot."

Ranka pushed him for more details. "And?"

"Apparently at one point or another, everyone takes turns at singing, aside from the main vocalist. They also say that their names were derived from the trump deck." (1)

"Really?"

Well, that wasn't too surprising. The band name, after all, hinted so much.

"It's starting," someone whispered excitedly. "There they are!"

Ranka watched as the six people made their way across the stage. They were met with much enthusiasm from the crowd, and he couldn't help but anticipate what the rest of the concert was going to be like. His coworker continued talking during the band's entrance.

"That one is Shaaru. He plays the keys." (2)

"Keys?"

"Short for electric keyboard. The next one is the acoustic guitarist. His name is Burakku." (3)

"That one over there is the center is Eisu. He mostly sings and plays the tambourine. Sometimes he takes up other small, side percussion instruments like the rhumba shakers or djembe." (4, 5)

"Djembe?"

"Don't ask me. I'm just telling you what I've heard from the others. The one behind Eisu is Hekkutaa, the drummer. You can hardly see him at this angle, though." (6)

"The next one is Reddo on the electric guitar." (7)

Ranka nodded in appreciation. "Hey, not a bad looking one."

"Yup. And the one furthest on the left is Raansu, the bassist." (8)

"He's kinda cool too."

"They say there's at least one more person who goes by the name of Paresu. Some think that he's their main mixer, but I could be wrong."

"Paresu?" he blinked. "Like the castle?" (10)

His friend shrugged, bringing up his hands and shaking his head as a gesture. "Not sure. That's just a rumor."

"Hmm." Ranka thoughtfully tapped his chin as his gaze traveled over the stage again.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing much. I was just thinking about something."

He was rewarded with a nudge to his ribs. "Eh, worried about your daughter, are you?"

Ranka laughed. "Is it that obvious?"

"I've known you for too long, is all."

He sighed, thinking back to the earlier conversation in the apartment. "I was hoping that I'd be able to do something like this with her."

"Don't worry," his friend reassured, patting him across the back. "You've still got all the time in the world. For now, let's just enjoy the show."

As if on cue, the stage lit up brighter and all the members of Lucky Card stepped up to their mikes.

Burakku spoke first, addressing the people in the audience. "Welcome, minna-san! How is everyone tonight?" The crowd cheered back a response, and it took more than a few seconds for everyone to calm down. "Really? That's good to hear!"

He stepped back as Reddo, Eisu, Hekkutaa and Raansu delivered their own lines after one another, making their speeches seem effortless.

"We're Lucky Card! Please lend us your support!"

"We'd like to thank all of our fans and patrons for making this all possible."

"And don't forget to cheer us on!"

"We hope you enjoy our songs."

They all waited as the cheers grew louder and subsided again. Finally, Shaaru leaned forward and shouted over the crowds.

"Everyone here has worked hard for this day! So won't you tell us? Who's _your_ lucky card?"

Apparently, his last line was the cue to begin because the drummer counted off on his sticks and all the instruments came in on the next downbeat, making the speakers surge with the sudden output of sound.

But Ranka didn't really pay attention to any of this, because that last member had made him go still.

Oh, he remembered that voice. And that posture. And all the things Kyouya had relayed to him back in Haruhi's high school days.

"Who's your lucky card?" sounded almost exactly like Tamaki-kun's notorious trademark, "What is your type?"

Ranka glowered from his seat as the band members' faces all lined up and matched everyone in the Host Club. They all had wigs and makeup on, so it was a little difficult recognizing them at first. He noted that Kyouya wasn't on stage, but a quick look towards the mixers confirmed that the Ootori was indeed present and involved with the band.

But who was Eisu? The only other person who had been in the club had been Haruh-…

After this concert was over, he was going to have a _Talk_ with the Lucky Card…

_Fin._

* * *

Author's Notes:

Like I said, impossible things happening. For one, Haruhi actually singing (and being able to do so) onstage. For another, _no one recognizing any of them_ (besides our dear Ranka). Also, none of their families finding out about their activities or protesting against such a "hobby" – except maybe the twins' mother, who provided their costumes. Lastly, the formation of the band itself. XD

Whatever. Is insanity a good enough excuse?

1. Trump: refers to the standard poker deck.  
2. Shaaru: short for Charlemagne. Supposedly represents the King of Hearts.  
3. Burakku: Black. Refers to the Black Joker.  
4. Eisu: Ace.  
5. Djembe: look it up.  
6. Hekkutaa: short for Hector of Troy. Supposedly represents the Jack of Diamonds.  
7. Reddo: Red. Refers to Red Joker.  
8. Raansu: short for Lancelot. Supposedly represents Jack of Clubs.  
9. Paresu: short for Pallas Minerva. Supposedly represents Queen of Spades.  
10. "Paresu" is also another way of saying "palace".

Kyouya, Queen of Spades, Paresu, Mixer  
Tamaki, King of Hearts, Shaaru, Keys  
Hunny, Jack of Diamonds, Hekkutaa, Drums  
Mori, Jack of Clubs, Raansu, Bass  
Haruhi, Ace of (?), Eisu, Voice  
Hikaru, Red Joker, Reddo, Electric  
Kaoru, Black Joker, Burakku, Acoustic

Look up meanings and associations if you'd like. I don't really feel like including them here. As it is, I'm already late on posting this up.

Sorry it's…(looks at watch)… a few hours late, Chiaza! And I hope this band!Ouran fic is decent enough for you.

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_April 13, 2007_


	7. Kidnapped!

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.

**Title:**Kidnapped! (Ouran Host Club Meets Detective Cona- er, Mouri Kogorou)  
**Alternative ****Title:** Why Tamaki Should Not Be Allowed to Hire Famous Detectives If The Rest Of The World Is To Remain Sane  
**Pairing:** none  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** General, Crossover  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran, Detective Conan, or any of their characters.  
**Summary:** …Doesn't the title say it all?

Dedicated to sciathan file, who wanted a Detective Conan/Ouran crossover with "kidnapping" as a prompt. And because the bunnies decided that they didn't want to just multiply, they wanted to multiply _exponentially_, her birthday gift will be in three parts.

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstance**

"Kidnapped!"

By Hikagi

* * *

Kudou Shinichi, now widely known as Edogawa Conan due to an unfortunate incident with a shady organization and the (forced) consumption of a less-than-legal drug, thought that the day was turning out rather boring with the lack of activity in Mouri's Detective Agency. Occhan had already drunk himself into a stupor, wailing a tuneless melody along to the words of "Yoooooko-chan, Yoooko-chaaaaan," in time (more or less) to the swaying of his chair.

Shinichi estimated that in about forty seconds, the middle-aged man was going to finish his third can of beer and yell at Ran to bring him another. This was going to be followed by a short lecture from the high school girl about her father's lack of control and how drinking (and smoking) were really bad for his health, and didn't he know that second-hand smoke was really harmful to young children's lungs?

_'Yes,'_ Shinichi thought, trying not to roll his eyes, _rather__ boring.'_

After Ran's lecture, Occhan would most probably find himself another pack of cigarettes in his drawers and get himself another can or two from the small refrigerator in his office. And then he'd watch the rest of Okino Yokou's show in the same manner before rewinding the tape (Shinichi lost track of how many shows Mouri taped) and re-watching some of the finer points again.

Ah, right on cue. Mouri Kogorou belched loudly in satisfaction as he finished this third beer and swiveled his chair in Ran's direction...

"Detective - is Detective Mouri here?"

...Only to fall off when someone frantically wrenched open the office door in a hurry and nearly ran into the couch. Ran went to help the young, distressed individual, making soft, soothing noises to hopefully calm him down.

"Um, this is Mouri's Detective Agency. How can I help you, sir?"

"T-this is a matter of great urgency," the man replied, frantically clutching at his blond hair. "Tell him that I must see him at once."

"I am his daughter, Mouri Ran. If you would have a seat..." She directed the handsome man around the couch, pushing aside a few newspapers and magazines.

"No time, no time!" the stranger wailed, despair evident in his voice. "My daughter - my daughter's been kidnapped!"

_'Daughter?'_ Shinichi quirked, taking another look at the person. There was _no way_ that was possible – the man didn't look old enough to have had a kid.

Ran was thinking along the same lines, because she gave the stranger a questioning look. "Daughter?"

"H-haruhi. She's gone. I don't know where to." With this, he quailed and wailed (Shinichi wondered if that was _all_ the man was capable of doing) again. "What if some horrible, despicable loan shark has made coerced her into borrowing money at an insanely high interest rate? What's a father to do?"

He buried his face in his hands and dropped his head to his knees, all the while muttering something indistinguishable. Shinichi made a short mental list of what he could deduce from the man's physical characteristics.

He was obviously a foreigner; or if not a foreigner, only partially Japanese. The blond hair and blue eyes gave that away instantly – not to mention his height (Shinichi guessed it to be somewhere around a hundred eighty centimeters), and curious accent (which by all means, was leaps and bounds better than Jodie-sensei's, but still wasn't perfect… and was it just him, or did it vaguely sound like the way French people spoke?). In a way, this man reminded him of Hakuba Saguru during the brief instances when they had been involved in the same cases…only, without all the gibbering.

He was also obviously very, _very_ rich – probably near the scale that Suzuki Sonoko was.

Shinichi made his way around the room to get a better look at their prospective client, when he heard a sharp knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" he cried in his "child's" voice, and reluctantly dropped his curiosity for the time being. "How can I help y-"

The door revealed another tall man with an irritated look on his face. For an instant, Shinichi froze in his spot as Gin's image overlapped the stranger's, but it quickly faded away. Nevertheless, Shinichi backed up slowly and watched as the new-comer took a few steps inside.

"Ahem. I'm looking for someone. I believe he might have barged in unnecessarily and interrupted your business."

Everyone else in the room turned around when they heard another person's voice at the door, and saw the impeccably-dressed man waiting.

"Tamaki," the scowling man said, impatiently.

The man known as Tamaki abruptly started and sat up straight on the couch.

"Kyouya," the blond man greeted.

"I think you went a little too far this time." He pushed up his glasses so that they sat a little higher on the bridge of his nose. "Haruhi's up in the mountains, enjoying the hot springs."

"...Haruhi...?"

A tic appeared on Kyouya's forehead. "Hot springs," he repeated, as if speaking to a child, or a particularly dumb person.

"Not kidnapped?"

"…No."

Well, Shinichi mused. At least things weren't quite so boring anymore...

_Fin...?_

* * *

Author's Notes:

Happy Belated Birthday Sci!

I'll try to see if I can make the other two bunnies work...

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_June 22, 2007_


	8. Kidnapped! 2

**Title:**Kidnapped! (Ouran Host Club Meets Detective Cona- er, Mouri Kogorou) #2  
**Alternative Title:** or Why Tamaki Should Not Be Allowed to Hire Famous Detectives If The Rest Of The World Is To Remain Sane (Part Two)

Or yet again… Why Ika Should Really Lay Off The Manga/Anime/Fanfiction For The Rest Of Her Life If She Is To Get Any Semblance Of Peace From The Plunnies And Finish Her Work

**Pairing:** none  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** General, Crossover  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ouran, Detective Conan, or any of their characters.  
**Summary:** See the (first) alternative title.

Ika's brains have been going on autopilot for a while, and there's a concert she has to perform in later tonight. Please excuse her. Things won't be making sense for quite some time. She apologizes if anyone loses any brain cells from reading what might quite possibly be a horribly-written fanfic.

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstances**

"Kidnapped!" #2

By Hikagi

* * *

"Moshi, moshi," Shinichi yawned as he picked up the phone. It was entirely _way_ too early in the morning to be up on a Sunday for his tastes. Why, oh why didn't clients consider the thought that perhaps other people liked to sleep in on their days off? "This is Detective Mouri's Agency. How may I help you?"

The person (older woman, by the sounds of it – highly bred and cultured with a formal clip and intonation present in her speech) on the other end of the line asked if "Meitantei Mouri Kogorou-san" was available later on today for a meeting. There was a small matter to be discussed and if he chose to accept the case, a handsome compensation would be awaiting him upon its completion.

"Sure," the small child responded, trying to blink the last remains of sleep from his eyes. "I don't think he has anything scheduled. Can I get your telephone number and address?"

He jotted down the numbers dutifully, taking care to make his handwriting look like a small child's untidy scrawl. _Everything_ nowadays, it seemed, might "lead to (his) untimely demise," as Haibara so aptly put it. The young brilliant-scientist-turned-seven-year-old had insisted that he peg his acting skills down to the tee, and that included getting grass stains, scrapped knees, runny noses, jammed fingers, and stubbed toes.

And apparently, that meant messy handwriting as well.

"Uh-huh," Shinichi chirped into the speaker. "Yes. Yes. I'll be sure to tell Mouri-san!" He hung the phone back onto the receiver just as Ran walked into the office.

"Conan-kun?" she called, rubbing her eyes. "Who was that?"

"A Maezono Shima-san," he replied as he handed her his note. "She said that Mouri-ojisan is needed later on today."

As it so happened, Mouri Kogorou had pronounced Shinichi's handwriting as "illegible! How the heck am I supposed to be able to read something like this?!" and demanded that the small child come with him to "decipher the chicken scratch. What on _earth_ do schools _teach_ these days if kids can't even write their numbers properly?!"

Well, Shinichi pouted, it wasn't as if he had any other _choice_ in the matter. After all, _he_ wasn't actually a seventeen-year-old-stuck-inside-of-the-body-of-a-small-child-and-hush!-no-one-is-supposed-to-know! Oh no, no, no, no, _no_.

Sometimes being a (pseudo-)kid _sucked_ like getting picked on by bullies.

Wait, that was his child-mind speaking. Argh! Now he _knew_ that he'd been spending entirely too much time in finding a permanent cure! His brain was deteriorating faster than a sugar cube in hot water.

Okay, let's try that again. Ahem.

Sometimes being a pseudo-kid _sucked_ like… Like… Like missing a shot in the final quarter of a soccer game! Or losing his Sherlock Holmes collection to slobbering dogs. Getting bopped on the head by a drunk, no-good detective? Being unable to corner and apprehend Kaitou Kid?

...On second thought, those didn't make very good analogies either.

But all of this was quickly brushed aside when Occhan finally took a look at the amount of money these people were willing to pay. Literally speaking too. The famous detective had been trying to decipher Shinichi's – or actually, _Conan's_ – handwriting as if it were a particularly difficult encrypted code when his eyes had settled on the ridiculous number down at the bottom. The chair the older man had been reclining in had suddenly fallen backwards, accompanied by a loud and indignant squawk, flailing limbs, and the clearing of Mouri Kogorou's office desk by said flailing limbs.

"Ran!" the man called, suddenly very enthused and nothing like his former, grumpy self. "Hurry up with breakfast! We're leaving as soon as possible!"

* * *

An hour and half later, they were climbing out of the taxi and ringing the front gate. They were told they had been expected, and someone was being sent to show them the way in. Shinichi wasn't too surprised by any of the procedures – after all, similar things had happened before. It would take quite a lot to impress him at this stage.

After a few minutes, a servant reached the gates and showed them the way in. The drive-way took a sharp turn a few feet away from the entrance (which, Shinichi had been irked to find, had prevented him from seeing what was inside the tall iron fences). "We are honored that the famous Detective Mouri Kogorou-san has decided to aid us with this matter. Master Suoh has been terribly upset these past few hours. It took quite a bit of time for him to calm down enough to see reason in this situation."

Shinichi took the time to observe the lawn and gaped.

Enormous marble water fountains with platinum-plated finishes, silver ornaments decorating ivory bird baths, stepping stones inlayed with gold dust, lines of crystal flowers fencing the pathways, _and was that a genuine baroque-style French formal garden he could see on the other side of the establishment?_

"Take quite a lot to impress him," indeed. At this rate, he wouldn't be surprised if they had a Persian garden hidden somewhere around, or a private zoo with exotic animals on display.

And he hadn't even gotten to the house yet. Well, _house_ wasn't the right word for it seeing that it looked like it was bigger than all the Teitan school buildings put together. He wasn't sure if the word "mansion" could quite be used to describe the place either. Palace – that might work in this case, right? There were some distinct French influences incorporated in the architecture of the building, and some parts of the design looked as if they were modeled off of Château de Versailles.

"C'mon, Conan-kun. You don't want to get left behind."

Ran's voice brought Shinichi around, and he suddenly remembered why he was here.

"Coming, Ran-neechan!" he called, taking one last look at his surroundings before racing to the main entrance of the…_palace_, where the others had already gathered. He took the steps, two at a time, until he was right behind Occhan. "I'm here!"

"Took you long enough, brat," the man grumbled. "Quit wasting our time." They were asked to leave their shoes at the door and were provided slippers.

"Tantei-san," the servant gestured, using Occhan's professional title. "Right this way. The Master will be here in a moment." He opened the doors and led them to a large sitting room. Shinichi jumped on to the nearest chair and marveled at how comfortable the cushions were.

* * *

They didn't have to wait very long before a slightly familiar figure entered the room and sat down in the closest available seat. Shinichi noted that the teenager looked a bit perplexed. "Ah, Mouri Kogoro-san! I know that our last meeting was a bit strange, but I have a new job offer for you."

"No, no – not at all, Suoh-san! It'd be my pleasure."

Suoh Tamaki looked decidedly relieved at the statement. "I need you to look for him." He placed a photo on the table and Occhan picked it up. "I have reason to believe that he's been kidnapped, and by someone on the inside…"

Shinichi took a quick glance at the picture and memorized the face that seemed to stare back.

A big, flat nose; very dark complexion; small, beady eyes; short in height and stature; a frown on his face; round ears that stuck out from his head; stiff arms; hunched shoulders; disheveled appearance.

All in all, not the most attractive picture he'd ever seen.

Shinichi paused and asked in his child-voice, "Ne, ne, Suoh-san. Do you have anyone in mind that could possibly have a grudge against you?"

The man seemed almost startled at the thought. "Grudge? Against me?" He shook his head. "Not that I can think of off the top of my head."

Either that man really had no enemies, or he was hopelessly oblivious to it all. And considering the size of the estate (imagine his shock when he had been told it was Suoh mansion #2! As in, there was a Suoh mansion #1 mansion somewhere else in Japan!), Shinichi was willing to bet that it was the latter.

"Then can you bring out all the maids and servants for questioning?"

"Why… Of course," he nodded, a bit hesitantly before exiting the room and calling Maezono Shima-san (the one who had called the detective's office) to gather everyone up in the main hall.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Shinichi found Kuma-chan hidden under Antoinette's blanket with an impressive amount of drool coating its features.

_Fin…?_

* * *

Author's Notes:

So… I'm just curious who you guys thought was the kidnapped victim before it was revealed. XD

And wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for the OOC! And possible spelling mistakes.

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_November 09, 2007_


	9. Trick or What on Earth?

Also posted on my LJ for the ouranhostclub community, username: yatsuka.

**Title:** Trick or… What on Earth?**  
Pairing:** Haruhi/Tamaki  
**Rating:** PG/K  
**Genre:** Humor  
**Disclaimer:** You already know this by now.  
**Notes:** Based off of Sciathan File's 'verse where Haruhi and Tamaki get together and have a kid named Himeko. Go read her stuff – it's definitely worth it.  
**Summary:** Haruhi's relationship with Tamaki is tricky at times. Their daughter doesn't make things any easier either.

* * *

_It really depended on the situation. Really. Because between everyday occurrences of improbable things happening and the chaotic mess known as Life, no one was really sure if the people around them were going crazy or whatnot._

**Circumstances**

"Trick or… What on Earth?"

By Hikagi

* * *

"Kaa-san, Kaa-san!"

Haruhi turned to face the direction of the voice and knelt when a small bundle of vibrant colors and frills and lace and glitter (and were those wings?) scurried into her arms.

"Himeko-chan," she acknowledged.

"Kaa-san, Tou-san wants to go for a walk!"

Haruhi looked at her daughter for a moment or two, contemplating exactly how to word her response, when her husband walked into the kitchen.

"Tamaki," she greeted, standing up. She looked down. "Uh, what...?"

"Isn't it splendid?" he asked, gesturing at their daughter with enthusiasm. "We couldn't decide on what she wanted to be, so we combined everything together!"

Haruhi eyed the fairy wings, the miniature ball gown, the red Wizard of Oz slippers, the seven thousand bracelets that seemed to hang off Himeko's arms, the superman cape (that partially hid the fairy wings, but only just), the vampire teeth, the Pippi Longstocking braids, the witch's hat, and what looked to be a Sailor Moon brooch.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that Tamaki was an extremely smart person (after all, hadn't he always maintained his position as second person in his class standings?) capable of great insight and forethought despite his childish exterior and over-exuberant personality.

Right now, that "somewhere" was no where to be found… As was her usual bank of sophisticated vocabulary that came from studying law and having to deal with people in the corporate world.

"I, uh... Is that a crown?" she asked intelligently.

"Three," Tamaki replied. "The other two are hidden underneath the hat. We didn't have enough room to fit the others, so we had to make do."

Haruhi blinked. Then she saw the multitude of pumpkin carvings, plastic baskets, and goodie bags shoved to the other side of the room and hastily (and poorly, she might add) covered by a bed sheet, as if to hide them from her eyes (as was probably Tamaki's intention). Knowing Tamaki, and judging from the enthusiasm he was currently exuding in _waves_, Himeko was probably not going to be the only child under their roof tonight.

She just blinked some more.

_Fin._

* * *

Author's Notes:

I'm sorry about not being able to post more often. But as it is with most things, Sci has a way of inspiring me even when I don't need any help. Maybe I could be convinced in the near future to get caught up with the manga…

_Yatsuka Hikagi_

_September 06, 2008_


End file.
